Those Words shared by A Parent That Rescued Us during my time as a Brand-New Father

"In my view I was merely in survival mode for twelve months."

Ex- Made In Chelsea cast member Ryan Libbey expected to cope with the challenges of fatherhood.

But the actual experience soon proved to be "very different" to what he'd imagined.

Serious health complications around the birth resulted in his partner Louise being hospitalised. Abruptly he was forced into acting as her main carer while also caring for their baby boy Leo.

"I handled all the nights, every nappy change… each outing. The job of both mum and dad," Ryan explained.

After nearly a year he became exhausted. It was a conversation with his own dad, on a public seat, that led him to understand he couldn't do it alone.

The simple words "You aren't in a good spot. You require support. What can I do to assist you?" created an opening for Ryan to express himself truthfully, ask for help and regain his footing.

His situation is commonplace, but infrequently talked about. Although society is now better used to addressing the pressure on mothers and about PND, far less attention is paid about the difficulties dads go through.

'It's not weak to ask for help

Ryan feels his struggles are symptomatic of a larger inability to talk amongst men, who often absorb damaging notions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the fortress that just takes the pounding and doesn't fall with each wave."

"It isn't a sign of weakness to request help. I failed to do that soon enough," he clarifies.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher specialising in mental health pre and post childbirth, says men can be reluctant to acknowledge they're struggling.

They can feel they are "not justified to be requesting help" - most notably in preference to a new mother and infant - but she stresses their mental well-being is just as important to the household.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad provided him with the chance to request a pause - taking a few days away, separate from the home environment, to see things clearly.

He came to see he required a adjustment to consider his and his partner's emotional states alongside the logistical chores of taking care of a infant.

When he was honest with Louise, he saw he'd failed to notice "what she was yearning" -holding her hand and hearing her out.

'Parenting yourself

That epiphany has transformed how Ryan sees parenthood.

He's now writing Leo letters each week about his feelings as a dad, which he hopes his son will see as he gets older.

Ryan hopes these will enable his son better understand the expression of emotion and interpret his decisions as a father.

The idea of "reparenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

During his childhood Stephen did not have consistent male parenting. Despite having an "amazing" connection with his dad, long-standing emotional pain meant his father found it hard to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, complicating their relationship.

Stephen says suppressing emotions resulted in him make "poor decisions" when in his youth to alter how he felt, seeking comfort in substance use as an escape from the anguish.

"You gravitate to substances that aren't helpful," he explains. "They might briefly alter how you are feeling, but they will eventually make things worse."

Strategies for Coping as a First-Time Parent

• Open up to someone - if you feel under pressure, confide in a friend, your partner or a counsellor about your state of mind. Doing so may to lighten the load and make you feel more supported.
• Remember your hobbies - make time for the activities that helped you to feel like the person you were before having a baby. This might be going for a run, socialising or playing video games.
• Pay attention to the body - nutritious food, physical activity and when you can, getting some sleep, all play a role in how your emotional health is coping.
• Meet other parents in the same boat - sharing their experiences, the challenges, and also the joys, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Remember that seeking help isn't failing - prioritising your own well-being is the best way you can care for your household.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen naturally had difficulty processing the loss, having had no contact with him for many years.

As a dad now, Stephen's determined not to "repeat the pattern" with his boy and instead give the security and emotional guidance he missed out on.

When his son threatens to have a tantrum, for example, they try "releasing the emotion" together - processing the feelings constructively.

The two men Ryan and Stephen state they have become better, healthier men because they acknowledged their pain, altered how they talk, and figured out how to manage themselves for their children.

"I'm better… sitting with things and managing things," states Stephen.

"I put that down in a message to Leo the other week," Ryan shares. "I expressed, sometimes I believe my role is to guide and direct you what to do, but actually, it's a two-way conversation. I'm learning as much as you are in this journey."